You know it's that never ending sense of doom especially when your phone shows a countdown to the number of days to your next test.
Day after day, after day.
Then again, after everything, what are we looking for in ourselves?
Visual confirmation that we have not prepared well enough for the mid-years, and the school teachers are in wide-alert because you are oh-so-screwed?
Or the severe mental beating that we love so much at the end of the bloody, brutal paper that leaves your brain adled and your heart bleeding out from the end of a barbed stick?
What do we really want from all this? The good memories?
Ten years down the road, we see our long lost classmates, some balding, some in their prime, some absent-mindedly scratching their bellies with a cup of coffee that lasts them for a decade, do we recall, Hey, your grades at that time sucked.
Do we even remember what we learnt by then?
I know I'm raking up this emo crap here because I forsee that no miracles can take place by Mid years.
I'm just facing the facts bitterly as opposed to giving myself false hope. Pain can be a good stimuli for the even greater battle ahead.
I had lectures over the holidays in Somerset, until I swear I'm sick of the place already. The flea-bitten, fish smelling and sex-shop riddled location seriously makes me sick.
And to make things better, I now have permanent Sunday evening lessons there.
What are the reasons to continue fighting against an enemy even larger than the last?
When you were a kid, PSLE seemed like hell.
As you jumped over the small hurdle, you cheered, and you told yourself that was the most fucking difficult paper you ever sat for.
Now comes O'levels. Now comes the high jump pole.
I jumped over it ,barely.
Now it's A levels,
I'm on the plane. The flight crew activates the door.
I jump. The first parachute fails.
I wonder about the second back-up chute.

Well I guess this will be one of the few moments in time when you feel you have so much to say, but yet, when the blogger page loads, the words can't come, and I seem to have lost everything I want to say.
Starting in chronological order, I am proud to say that April has ended on a silent, brutal, painful note, bringing about the dreadful monologues of May. This is where the pressure sets in, when the climax of your miserable two ( Three?) years in a Junior College Peaks. You are required to do School Graduation Certificates, do stuff you really don't want to, and so on. And people who have graduated tell you that it's part and parcel.
Moving on, College Day was a fiasco. I have never, ever, felt so trashy after an assignment, and I've had better emotions after receiving my Chemistry Test Papers, which, in fact, are really brutal, nasty pieces of work. Seriously, I did not understand what was the cause of that emotional droop, and it was one of the worst weeks of my life.
I did not survive well after the event. I swear I've never felt so tired, coupled with studies, rushing for Pre-U sem with one or occasionally two screwed-up di*ks, as well as CCA stuff.
JC life sucks. My life sucks. There, I said it.
Moving on to Pre-U Seminar, there are a few people who I have to give credit to for making it a less horrid experience. In no order of merit, my co-speakers,
1) Pratyush Paul
2) Cassandra Lim
My other team mates
3) Chan Siow May
4) Law Kim Ying
5) Tan Yoong Aunn
6) Hameed M Rowther
The constant rehearsals, drilling and rushes for script corrections, seriously would have driven anyone nuts. But thanks to you guys, the process was more painless than the last few Pre-U Seminars. And seriously, thanks for listening to my rants.
I guess I learnt. Do not expect me to be superman. Neither am I a full time participant. FYI, I am a student. A FRIGGIN' STRUGGLING STUDENT. I know you are damn smart. You don't have to deflate my fucking ego every fucking time.
I've tolerated enough, and this will be the only statement I make.
As for the second d***, well, I know you're talented. Point taken. But so??
I seriously doubt it concerns me.
And oh yeah. Lay off your pal. He's nice enough to tolerate, doesn't mean he'll take it forever. When he snaps and socks you in the face, I'll applaud.
Moving on to band concert.
I have nothing more to say, except, Daniel, please do not bite off more than you can chew.
But at least one aspect of the day went well XD
Pre-U sem itself.
Special Thanks to group 28,
Special Thanks to Temasek Polytechnic's Team.
I'm just kinda glad it's over, kinda sad it's over.
But I'm really tired.
I need a damn break for once.
Hahaha, and expected of my life, oops, there are none. Exams are round the corner and if I don't buck up, well, I guess I have to mentally prepared for a date with the P.
FML.