Ignorance hurts like uber hell.
There is nothing worse than the feeling of watching someone deliberately turn away when they see you walk in the opposite direction, and do their own stuff. It may be coincidental, but it stings.
Putting it past may be one thing, but uncovering fresh stings is another.
Live to drag on another day.
I promised myself that if I failed my mid-years, I would pack up, head back to Aus to further my studies.
It's just plain useless to see 3 years of being stuck in a junior college amount to failure. It's just plain sad.
People will say, well, work harder, the A's will be better. The point is, if it is rock bottom, wouldn't a 'better' be just average?
In this nation, average is everywhere, you have to be outstanding. And it sucks when you are not.
I've made up my mind on this.
The only factors stopping this are my parents decision and source of income, etc.
When I'm gone, or if I ever leave this nation, sometimes, I wonder, will I be missed?
Will I be another passing flyer in the rain, swept away to one side of the pedestrian crossing with the currents of time? I dread to imagine.
On one hand, it would be good to go start a new life, away from everything here.
I know I did wrong, but I feel there's nothing I can do to make it up to you. Even if I tried, I'm prepared that forgiveness will not be awarded and it hurts to know folly can lead to so many days of regret. In scenarios like these, leaving, will be a solace, a calm quiet sensation.
Whether I'll be missed, I'll let that pass. I'm sure those who will miss me will remember the good about me, if any, and for those whom I have really did wrong against, you guys are free to curse my guts.
Leaving a place is not a mere matter of physically leaving. There is often a detachment of the human spirit from his attractions that he grew up with, and still has.
I have wronged in so many ways, and every damn day in school is seriously a battle against weight issues,grades and not forgetting to mention the one deep regret which I cannot absolutely get over. I guess leaving would do everyone good, should my grades suck during mid years.

Friends and foes, if I leave, have a great life ahead.
The way forward for me is clear; succeed here, or should I fail, leave here.
There is nothing I can do.

Dear deepest regret,
all I can ever say is, I'm sorry.
I really cannot. Find. Words. To. Describe this gnawing feeling.

Daniel.

This is my fifth (?) post ever since this blog was revamped.
Many things have happened, including pinnacles, and trenches have been covered.
And a lot of distances have been walked in the past week.
Ventures into new forays, and waiting for the train that will never come to stop at this station anymore.
I caught a glimpse of it, and manage to get a whiff of it as it sped pass last Saturday. I am absolutely resolved by the fact that this train, has moved on to greener pastures, away from the gloom and bitterness.
A loss of words often engulfs me these few days.
Some have told me I sound Emo. Or look plain angry.
I'm neither. In fact, I don't know what I'm feeling anymore. There's a need to do something extreme, something tangible to get a feeling of being alive.
I spoke to LiShan from Drama night the day before.
It's good to reconnect sometimes. She advised me to take some time off with friends, and be happy.
It's good advice, lest for the fact that I do not know how. Who can truly define happiness?
It's relative to every individual. Some find happiness in seeing piles and piles of work. Others find happiness in engaging in favourite activities.
I've been hiding behind myself, gazing at the world from afar. Every moment available is spent trying to capture the world before it collapses before me.
I've been talking about regrets a lot recently, but what do you do with a regret you know you will never have a chance to apologise to, to own up to, to ask for forgiveness from?
There's nothing you can do if you yourself let that chance fall from between your fingertips.
I tried to ignore the pieces of the dropped object. Shining, beautiful things. I told myself, "nah, it'll be alright soon". I left it to patch itself up. But it didn't work that way. Now trying to piece it together would be impossible.
People who know of that terrible, wretched secret, I thank you for keeping it low.
Somethings are better left unsaid, and somethings are better if fewer people know about it. If they care to begin with.

Before I end of, I read a poem recently that successfully reflects my feelings thus far.

In the desert

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said: "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter-bitter," he answered;
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

-- Stephen Crane