Usually, my posts in this blog usually have a very emo tone to them, and truth be told, it needs to be changed.
Well things have changed recently, and I must say I have a very special person to thank.
It's thanks to her, I have a reason to fight on, a reason to smile, a reason to go to school everyday rain or shine. She injects humour in everything that takes place in my life, and she makes me see the beauty in every single day.
She calls me easily amused, but I think otherwise. There's a rhyme and reason for everything, and I can only say she's really a major source of joy in my life, ever since the first day I attempted to text her.
This post is in dedication to this very very special person, and some of you may already know who she is. She's a wonderful, amazing person who has done wonders, constructed miracles, saved me from an emo-self.
DD LXY, I want you to know the great impact you've caused in my life, and I have to thank you for being my source of joy, my source of strength, and my constant companion.
Looking back since the first day that I officially knew you, I really don't recall any period of time where I felt so alive. You brought me to see life's simple pleasures, such as that of enjoying a simple stretch, and that of being a foodie. You opened my eyes to see that beauty, is not only skin deep, but if you search deep enough, you'll see beauty beyond any other.
I hereby, with the blogosphere, and all the readers of this miserable little blog as my witness, would really like to thank and appreciate LXY for all she has done for me up till this date, and may this last long and strong.
I smaller than 3U.

Looking for stars, but time after time they are hidden by rain clouds. As the thunder looms closer, i dont run. I want the rain to drench through my skin, i want the cold to take me away, the lightning to burn away my senses.

Looking for stars, but time after time they are hidden by rain clouds. As the thunder looms closer, i dont run. I want the rain to drench through my skin, i want the cold to take me away, the lightning to burn away my senses.

Sometimes, when defeat laughs at you in the face, you have no choice but to grit your teeth and laugh along with it, since you have no choice. And sometimes, believe me, you really dun feel like talking. And other times, you just really lose faith and fighting spirit in something so much that you would just really give up on hope in all its entirety. Further on, on more other times, you feel so disappointed, that you wish to just abort, retreat, and hide in a corner:D Sometimes, you just lose yourself in the blind pursuit.

Never put all the eggs into one basket. You never know when the smooth road you're driving on becomes bumpy and wrecks all your hopes and dreams.

The worst part of life is exams. Period.
I studied from 3 am on Monday, till 5am, until I decided I needed a run to clear my head. So I ran.
I reflected on the things that took place last week. The good, the bad and the ugly.
Mostly they were bad and ugly, and even the good things that took place became bad and ugly when cast under my shadow. I fouled up.
I said too much, I said what I shouldn't say.
And just when finding the words were hard enough, acceptance of the response was even harder.
Finding the words were like regurgitating spiky gummy bears.
They were meant to be sweet little truths, but making them come out was damn tough.
Accepting the response was like swallowing a durian with the spikes and all, as well as mud encrusted shell.
As I ran, these memories kept playing in my head, over and over again, coupled with the questions that I had in my mind. I just ran and ran, until I lost track of time, and the sky seemed less dark. On my way back, I decided to take the long way, out of pure gut feeling. I "ran" into Lassie, the rough collie that I always hang out with. So I sat there, just stroking its back, and mulling over stuff, when it came over and just purely licked me my face. Pimple formation aside, it seriously felt better.
At least, a fellow mammal cared.
On the plus side, it's a female mammal. :p
Life is described in three letters.
TSK.

You know it's that never ending sense of doom especially when your phone shows a countdown to the number of days to your next test.
Day after day, after day.
Then again, after everything, what are we looking for in ourselves?
Visual confirmation that we have not prepared well enough for the mid-years, and the school teachers are in wide-alert because you are oh-so-screwed?
Or the severe mental beating that we love so much at the end of the bloody, brutal paper that leaves your brain adled and your heart bleeding out from the end of a barbed stick?
What do we really want from all this? The good memories?
Ten years down the road, we see our long lost classmates, some balding, some in their prime, some absent-mindedly scratching their bellies with a cup of coffee that lasts them for a decade, do we recall, Hey, your grades at that time sucked.
Do we even remember what we learnt by then?
I know I'm raking up this emo crap here because I forsee that no miracles can take place by Mid years.
I'm just facing the facts bitterly as opposed to giving myself false hope. Pain can be a good stimuli for the even greater battle ahead.
I had lectures over the holidays in Somerset, until I swear I'm sick of the place already. The flea-bitten, fish smelling and sex-shop riddled location seriously makes me sick.
And to make things better, I now have permanent Sunday evening lessons there.
What are the reasons to continue fighting against an enemy even larger than the last?
When you were a kid, PSLE seemed like hell.
As you jumped over the small hurdle, you cheered, and you told yourself that was the most fucking difficult paper you ever sat for.
Now comes O'levels. Now comes the high jump pole.
I jumped over it ,barely.
Now it's A levels,
I'm on the plane. The flight crew activates the door.
I jump. The first parachute fails.
I wonder about the second back-up chute.